Supporting someone who self-harms requires patience, understanding, and a non-judgmental approach. Here’s a comprehensive guide on how to help:

Listen Without Judgment

  1. Create a Safe Space
    • Choose a private, comfortable location for conversations
    • Ensure you have uninterrupted time
  2. Practice Active Listening
    • Use open-ended questions
    • Reflect back what you’ve heard to show understanding
  3. Show Empathy
    • Validate their feelings without condoning the behavior
    • Use phrases like “I hear you’re in pain” or “That sounds really difficult”
  4. Avoid Criticism or Shock
    • Don’t express disgust or horror at their behavior
    • Refrain from making ultimatums or threats

Encourage Professional Help

  1. Research Local Resources
    • Compile a list of therapists specializing in self-harm
    • Identify local support groups or treatment programs
  2. Offer Practical Support
    • Help make phone calls or schedule appointments
    • Offer to accompany them to initial sessions
  3. Address Barriers to Treatment
    • Discuss concerns about confidentiality or stigma
    • Help problem-solve issues like transportation or cost
  4. Be Patient
    • Understand that seeking help is a big step
    • Celebrate small progress and offer continued encouragement

Learn About Self-Harm

  1. Educate Yourself
    • Read reputable books and articles on self-harm
    • Attend workshops or webinars on the topic
  2. Understand the Recovery Process
    • Recognize that recovery is not linear
    • Learn about common challenges and setbacks
  3. Stay Informed About Treatment Options
    • Research different therapy modalities (e.g., DBT, CBT)
    • Understand the role of medication in treatment
  4. Recognize Your Limitations
    • Accept that you can’t “fix” the problem
    • Know when to seek additional support for yourself

Help Them Develop Safety Plans

  1. Identify Triggers
    • Work together to list situations, thoughts, or feelings that precede self-harm urges
    • Develop strategies to avoid or manage these triggers
  2. Create a Coping Toolkit
    • Compile a list of healthy coping strategies (e.g., deep breathing, journaling)
    • Include contact information for support people and crisis lines
  3. Establish a Support Network
    • Help identify trusted friends, family members, or professionals to reach out to
    • Discuss how and when to contact each person
  4. Plan for Emergencies
    • Create a clear plan for crisis situations
    • Include steps for seeking immediate help if needed

Take Care of Yourself

  1. Set Boundaries
    • Be clear about what support you can and cannot provide
    • Don’t take on more than you can handle
  2. Seek Support
    • Talk to trusted friends or a therapist about your experiences
    • Join a support group for friends and family of those who self-harm
  3. Practice Self-Care
    • Engage in activities that recharge you
    • Maintain your own mental and physical health
  4. Recognize Compassion Fatigue
    • Be aware of signs of burnout or secondary trauma
    • Take breaks when needed and don’t feel guilty about it

While your support is invaluable, you’re not responsible for their actions. Encourage them to seek professional help and prioritize your own mental health as well. You can support them by referring them to treatment options for self-harm.

If you or someone you know is experiencing thoughts of suicide, it’s crucial to seek immediate help. Call your local emergency services or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 for 24/7 support.

Additional Local Santa Barbara and Mental Health Resources

1. Santa Barbara County Department of Behavioral Wellness

2. Mental Wellness Center (Santa Barbara)

3. NAMI Santa Barbara County (National Alliance on Mental Illness)

4. Santa Barbara 211 (Community Helpline & Resource Directory)

📞 National Crisis & Self-Harm Support

5. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

6. Crisis Text Line